Im used to be a cheerful friends along all my friends. I been try very hard to cheer myself up.. but everytime i did.. it only work for few hours. After few hours will become weak back ><" Most of the times.. when having trouble.. i used to drunk myself.. not to think much.. but after drunk gone.. everything is coming back. Kindness only will cause pain to the owner . Doing kind , never wish to get a goods return .. that should be how it works . I used to think in that way .. but no use.. sometime evil inside me take control in me. ><"
Everything she said now are hard for me to believe.. but i force myself to trust to.. but what my eyes see and what i heard is different . Yea.. there a lot explanation on it.. but always wondering .. everything just look like in a drama.. got that unlucky mer ? Everytime wor ? ><! New year , new thing , new memory .. but the old memory still coming along with my path. The only way to stop it is.. never met u again. But what the point u keep asking me to help her ?? Why not she ask the others to do it for her.. since her attention is on him . She never care my feeling.. all she care is herself and him. Fucking idiot . If i am a puppet it might be beautiful. But im a human..4 years being single.. now drop in a complicated relationship.. really dont know how to handle it..
Everytime i tell myself.. if i never protect myself.. no one will protect me.. but my heart keep on moving to her. ><" Feel wanna die.. i cant control myself .. When im needed.. she will attention in me.. when im not needed.. just like a puppet.. throw aways a side. Damm it. Always keep myself think positive.. but thing always turn out negative. What to do ?? I want a good 2011 years.. please.
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